A Solitary Man
by florreco
Summary: Something in Makoto craves for change.
1. Faint Expression

**First Free!fanfic, yay! There isn't much going on in this chapter. It's mainly thoughts and feelings, something I don't usually do. But since I yet have to deepen myself into the relationship between these boys, this thing turned out to be sort of a character study. let's say that this is the long introduction to the next chapter, when the action starts.**

**This fic is mainly focused on Makoharu, second chapter only makoharu really. I honestly ship both rinharu and makoharu, but I was in the mood to write some fluffy stuff and Makoharu made the cut :D**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Haruka Nanase is a solitary man, and Makoto is well aware of that. As a childhood friend, being the raven-haired boy's company for as long as the both of them can remember, Makoto is sure. Haruka isn't a romantic, sentimental type. He cannot always find the right words to describe his thoughts and feelings. And Haruka might be stubborn, obsessed by the feel of water and the taste of mackerel, and only spends his time on bathing and eating mackerel if Makoto doesn't intervene.

Haruka is a solitary man.

But Haruka isn't an emotionless man.

Makoto always knew what Haruka has. Despite the blue-eyed man's stoic façade, Makoto would enjoy the sparkle in Haruka's eyes when he faces a body of water, his timely surprised face when Nagisa glomps him, his faint expression of irritation when Rin decides to get skinshippy with him again. Or his face when he listens carefully. Many people would simply pass by those type of emotions. People like Rin, Nagisa or Rei wouldn't always take their time to take in those little expressions of Haruka.  
But Makoto would.

Makoto would glance carefully at the shorter male next to him as Haruka acts on his own. He would watch him when he looks around, eats, listens, writes or communicates with others, and his chest would always feel warm when any kind of tiny expression would show on Haruka's face. It proves that Haruka is just a human is him. Despite, well, _almost_ everything. As a friend, Makoto likes triggering those expressions as well. He wouldn't throw things overboard, like Rin would do. But the brunet would often joke around, read his mind up loud, or smile softly at him when their eyes meet. Respectively, Haruka would react stubbornly, look away irritated or look slightly surprised with a faint blush on his cheeks.

To Makoto, it is something sacred.

And that's why he's so grateful to Rin.

Recently, after Rin's return. Makoto has seen new expressions on Haruka. Just like Rin would say, he has seen_ a sight he's never seen before_. Thanks to Rin, Makoto was so able to see Haruka Nanase_ smile_. And until just a few weeks ago, even_ laugh_! Makoto adores watching Haruka and Rin compete against each other. Haruka's determined, competitive expression. Or when Rin suddenly hugs him with a sudden force. Haruka's surprised, overwhelmed expression. Rin Matsuoka can trigger emotions from Haruka in ways Makoto wouldn't dare. Because he knows Haruka isn't used to the brunet trying.  
Secretly Makoto wants to initiate it, but for now, he prefers watching his friend react to the world, and take it in.

Sometimes Makoto wonders where the habit comes from though. He has observed him ever since they met. Or better say, his entire life, because he actually doesn't know when they have met. Is Haruka that captivating? Is that why he is always craving for that sparkle in his ocean blue eyes? Is his craving so bad he wants to trigger it more? Makoto thought he didn't have the strength to advance. Haruka was his best friend, not a subject of study where Makoto could do anything he wants, just to see how the raven-haired boy reacts.

He always used to think of Haruka's expressions, but for the past few months the thought has gradually bugged him more. He honestly has never seen Haruka's laugh. As a someone who has been his friend his entire life, he was starting to feel jealous. Yes, Makoto was grateful to Rin for opening up a new world to Haruka, to show him a different view of things. He has made Haruka experience feelings he would never forget, and neither would Makoto.  
But this makes Makoto wonder where he went wrong in his friendship with Haruka. Sometimes he would wonder why he never argued so much with him, or why he never once annoyed Haruka, or made him very happy about something (it was until recently he heard from Haruka how much he appreciated him, so Makoto thinks his frustration on that part isn't justified). Their friendship would always go at a normal steady pace where none of them complains. They are so constant in each other's lives that it's unthinkable to be seperate from one another.

But when he looks at Rin and Haru's relationship, he's sees something completely new. Their relationship is raging like a fire. It's mobile. Full of life, competition and heavy emotions. Things Makoto has rarely or never experienced with Haruka before. If he would glance back at Rin at Haruka, and then look at Haruka and him, he would call their friendship almost_ boring_. Yet he knows Haruka needs him as much as Makoto needs him, and he feels terrible for thinking it.

_Argh_, he's so confused. He likes Haruka so much, but something is lacking.

If Rin can make Haruka laugh, so can Makoto.

One evening when his parents and Ran en Ren where out on another camping trip, he invited Haruka over to stay the night. Before Haruka arrived, the thought bugged the brunet once again. He wants to see Haruka laugh again. His expression back then had burned on his retina. His bright smile was like a dazzling gleam that sent Makoto's restraint over the edge. He couldn't let himself but to hug Haruka tightly, together with Rin, Nagisa and Rei. An expression like that is what Makoto would cherish for the rest of his life, and he would do anything to make it reappear again. The young brunet was determined.

The doorbell rang.

* * *

**Makoto is conflicted with himself when it comes to his friendship with Haruka these days. That's what it basically comes to. On one side he's grateful to Rin for opening up Haruka, on the other side he's quite jealous for what these two have. It makes it look like there is something missing between Haruka and himself. But Makoto doesn't really want to believe that, because what they have is a stable and constant friendship anybody wishes for. Yet it is bothering him and he's trying to ban it out of his mind. **

**Next chapter you'll see how Makoto handles it | (• ◡•)|**


	2. Delusional

**This is it! The last part! I started on this a few days ago, but some stuff got in between so it had to wait.**

**I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Haruka looked a little cold.

"Good evening, Haru."

"Hey."

As usual, Haruka didn't bring anything else apart from his toilet bag, containing nothing but a comb and a toothbrush. Because of the boy's regularly sleepovers, the house is already customized to him staying the night. There's always a futon ready next to Makoto's bed. Makoto always keeps a small set of clothes he doesn't often wear for Haruka, because he always lends one of his shirts. Probably because he's too lazy to carry his own stuff to Makoto's house, he assumed, even if it's just 50 meters distance.

"What's for dinner?" Haruka asked after taking a shower.

"Uhm… We have some udon left in the fridge", Makoto replied while looking at the kitchen's direction. He heard Haruka snort loudly, loud enough to drown out the soft sounds of the tv.  
The brunet sighed. "Haru, c'mon, you've had enough mackerel for today."  
No reply.

"You really have to vary your diet a bit more."

"Stop acting like my mom."

"I'm the one taking care of you. You'd be eating only mackerel if I don't intervene "

Another snort. "I can take care of myself", the stubborn boy mumbled. Makoto laughed.

When the two finished the udon they went up to Makoto's room to play some video games. Makoto caught a glimpse of Haruka heading to the tv cabinet, only to found out his favorite video game wasn't there. Haruka gave the brunet an angry look, clearly annoyed because wasn't the raven not only able to have mackerel for dinner, but was their favorite game missing. From what Makoto can tell, he is clearly not buying it.

"Sorry Haru," Makoto said, trying to sound apologetic. "My sister has lent Animal Crossing to a friend of hers. So we have to find something else to play with." Makoto was trying hard to sound like he was really sorry, but he couldn't keep a straight face, not now Haruka was looking at him like that. He would always be amused by Haruka's annoyed expression, if it only came down to trivial situations such as this. Only this time he was more amused than usual. Is it because, just a few hours before Haruka arrived, he longed for a more mobile relationship, that fate decided to snap away a few habitual things in their evening, so that their communication would take a different course?If so, then Makoto was ready to make good use of it.

_No, I'm being delusional. Forget about it._

"We still have The Legend of Zelda."

"Okay."

"Oh, you're fine with that? You seem a little angry though…"

A strange silence filled the room while Haruka buckled his knees to look for the game under the cabinet, while Makoto sat on his bed changing his shirt.

"That's not it." Haruka finally said. "I thought there were only gory games aside from Animal Crossing, and you don't like gory games, so yeah… I didn't really like-uhm… Ah, found it."  
Makoto stared at the raven's back as he sat there ridiculously with the collar of his shirt stuck halfway his head. Meanwhile Haruka shuffled aside the other games to take out The Legend of Zelda.  
Haruka got angry for him?

"Thanks, Haru."

"Hn."

Haruka avoided eye contact by furiously concentrating on Wii-console as he carefully pushed the CD into it. Meanwhile Makoto kept on his smile. He noticed another faint blush creeping up the blue-eyed boy's cheeks.

Ever since Rin came back, Haruka had been more honest about his feelings, which made their bond tighter than it was before. He smiled more, teased more, helped him more… It was great. This is another reason Makoto is so frustrated by his own feelings. Why is he craving for more if their friendship already can't get any better? Their friendship is mobile enough… right?

_Ugh. Tachibana Makoto, stop thinking for like, 5 seconds. Forget it._

Makoto let himself drop on the bed as he placed his arm on his forehead, a bit too dramatic than he intended to.

"Makoto, if you're tired we don't have to play it."

"Huh? What? N-no! I'm not tired, I was just… never mind. C'mon, let's start."  
Haruka lifted one eyebrow as he spoke. Without further commentary Makoto forced himself up, grabbed the controllers and gave one to Haruka, just to keep his hands busy.

Makoto was already feeling a bit drowsy after half an hour. Today had been a pretty busy day. He had woken up earlier to finish his homework and to say goodbye to his parents and Ran and Ren. The training after school was much more intense than usual. Gou seemed very piqued about something and kept insisting Makoto and doing another lap, again and again, until all the boys were worn out. Haruka didn't seem as tired. Understandable, since he has the best stamina of the group.

Makoto suddenly let out a stretched yawn, that made him lose focus, and made him lose his last bit of life in the game. "Ah, crap." the boy mumbled and fell backwards again. With one of his eyes open he stared at Haruka's small back. Slowly he noticed that the raven gave up playing as well, though he had a few more hearts left than Makoto.

Not fully realizing what he was doing, Makoto suddenly sat on his knees behind him and wrapped his arms around the smaller teen.  
Makoto tended to get a little weird and clingy when he's tired. It's an unlucky habit he snatched from Ran and Ren and Haruka was perfectly aware of that.

"You're really tired," the black-haired boy said while sighing. "I'll put the lights off, let me go."

"Nah."

"Makoto."

"Hey, Haru."

"Let me go."

"Haru?"

"What?"

"I'll let you go if you smile at me."

Makoto felt Haruka flinch in his arms. He was furiously trying to make eye-contact with Makoto, probably to scold him or something. But he was too tight in the brunet's grasp to lock his eyes with his.

"If you smile at me, then I'll let you go."

"No."

"Then you're staying here."

"Stop it, Makoto."

"Okay, if you smile."

Now, instead of finding a way to look at the taller boy, he wanted to avoid eye-contact with Makoto. He stubbornly held his face as far away from him as possible. It was apparently sinking in that Makoto was being serious. Haruka carefully grabbed Makoto's wrists with both hands, and pinched it a little. Meanwhile the brunet looked at the boy's pitch black hair as the faint smell of shampoo drifted in his nose.

"…why? Why now?" He asked softly.

"I just like your smile, Haru."

Suddenly Makoto noticed that the teen's ears were slowly turning red and he couldn't help but chuckle at it.

"Honestly," Makoto began, and he was being very honest, "I've been thinking more about your laugh, ever since I've seen it. I-It wasn't until today I realized how bad I want to see it again." Makoto tried to make it sound as airy and normal as possible. But it felt weird now he was actually speaking out those particular words. Words such as 'smile' and 'laugh'. Those were things far away from Haruka.

Makoto felt Haruka's breathing take an irregular pace and he saw that his ears turned as red as Ran's favorite nail polish. Suddenly Makoto realized something. He realized that he has been delusional all along. He can't make Haruka smile at him more as much as he is doing now, he can't make him show Makoto different expressions. Why is he telling Haruka to be a person Makoto has never met? This isn't how Haruka is and Makoto must have accepted that long ago. Since they were kids. Since forever. How could he be so selfish?

Makoto slowly lost his grip on Haruka because of these new thoughts overwhelming him. But before the taller teen could apologize for his actions, Haruka turned around with a sudden force and grabbed Makoto shoulders, staring him right in the face. The boy's cheeks were flushed too.

"Tickle me." He said.

_What?_

"What?"

"Tickle me. I can't laugh unless you tickle me."

It took Makoto a couple of seconds to actually acknowledge what Haruka was actually suggesting. Haruka wants him to tickle him? Just like he did together with Rei and Nagisa?  
Makoto looked at Haruka's determined ocean-blue eyes for a split second and burst out laughing. This is the best thing Haruka has ever asked him to do. Without any warning, Makoto launched his attack and went straight to Haruka's hips with his hand, pushing the raven on his back.

"M-Makoto!" Haruka said with a sudden high pitch. He snapped his hands in front of his face, presumably because he felt the laughter coming. Meanwhile Makoto slightly lifted Haruka shirt, so he could roll his fingers softly around his hips, his stomach, his chest and at last, his feet. It didn't take long before Makoto could hear Haruka's delightful laugh filling the room. Makoto looked up and smiled at the teen's face as Haruka had his eyes closed, his cheeks red and his mouth stretched to the most beautiful smile Makoto Tachibana has ever seen. What pleased the brunet all the more was that his smile is solely _his _doing, and that he is the only soul able to see this right now.

Perhaps the over thinking about Haruka was worth it after all.

When Makoto stopped, Haruka covered his eyes with his arm and heavily started catching his breath. Makoto was so happy at that moment that he was almost tearing up. He fell half on top of Haru and buried his face in the raven's neck, still laughing. Others would stare at them, thinking: D_jeez, he was just laughing_... But right now, they were alone, and the others wouldn't understand Makoto's feelings and low expectations of this evening to begin with. Makoto wasn't worried now. He didn't care, just because his best friend smiled, and looks happy. That's all he wants, that's all he needs.

* * *

"I'm really sorry, Haru."

No reply.

Haruka had his entire body covered in the sheats, along with his head. Makoto's body was also covered, but only his head poking out of the side of the bed, desperately trying to make Haruka accept his apology.

"Haru. I know it was selfish of me. Please, I am so sorry."

He heard a muffled 'tch' coming from the pile of fabric.

"Haruuuuuuuuuu…"

"Just go to sleep already!" Came from the pile.

"You can tickle me tomorrow."

"No."

"You can tickle me now." Makoto corrected, with an expecting undertone. As if this would trigger Haruka.

"…Hnn.. No."

Makoto sighed. He has left him with no other choice.

"We'll go to the pool.  
...Now."

All of the sudden, a torso rose op from the cheats and looked at him with those typically sparkling eyes. But quickly his face dropped into another annoyed expression, but there was a hint of amusement behind the now dilated pupils.

"Don't be stupid, Makoto." He mumbled, buckling his arms, ready to dissolve into the cheats again.

"…Tomorrow morning, or I'll never forgive you." Came from the boy, finally.

Makoto chuckles softly and ended the conversation with: "I promise".

...

The next day Haruka tickled him awake.


End file.
